Party Sufferings!

So I've been reading St. Theresa's "Life" in the library recently. I don't know why, but it seems so romantic to me to go into the library every time I want to read the book, and go to the section BX, second stack in, second shelf from the bottom, and select the book. I re-read her chapter treating the beginning prayer life today. She was discussing how it is that beginners are anxious about their prayers and agonize over their spiritual progress, rather than commending yourself to God. She also touched on sufferings, and how it is that the Lord sees fit to give us sufferings, but that we must patiently endure them, because he loves us, and how could we doubt that in his infinite love and wisdom he isn't always bringing us closer to him, even if it doesn't feel good.

It was the sort of reading that easily starts to fly over your head, not because of it's wild complexity, like St. Thomas, but because of it's wild simplicity. Now, on my way to the library I saw in a field a large snow penis. It's not uncommon to see artistic renderings of the twig and berries here on campus. About a week ago several large rocks were assembled to the effect that all those walking over the river bridge were gifted with the sight of the larger-than-life one-eyed trousersnake. So, while I'm reading about prayer, and how great God is, and thanking him for all the wonderful sufferings he gives me, and asking him if just maybe he'd let me be a Carmelite because all my experience with the Carmelites, including Theresa, tells me that they are really cool, and I'd like to suffer the rest of my life, only to gain my reward at death; all I could think about was plowing through this penis. It's been some time since I've played football, but I've been watching football on TV on Sundays (as part of my commitment to myself to spend 2 hours a week being simply lazy) and I had in my mind a rushing defensive end, having shoved his blocker aside, who is running at the quarterback. The unsuspecting passer has his back turned to the warrior, and, when he least expects it, he is nailed in the back, torn down like a gazelle on the Serengetie. Alas, Theresa dedicated some time to the distractions which come in prayer when you are attached to this world.

So I did it. I walked out of the library and the bell tower rang 7pm. I knew it was meant to be, for after all, who can say that they ran into a snow penis at 7pm on October the Twelfth, in the Year of Our Lord 2009! God truly blesses his children! I advanced towards the snow creation, and when I was about 100 feet away I broke into a run. I had some pro-life literature with me, so it was decided early on that I should transfer that from my right arm to my left arm. Completing the transfer I put out my right arm, in preparation for the splitting blow. I lowered my shoulder, and pow! The penis broke in two!

I then immediately thought of St. Therese of the Little Flower, who, when she was caught being noisy simply ran away! She stood on the top of the stairs proclaiming victory over her desire to defend herself, even though she was most guilty. Of course I wasn't guilty of anything. Sure, there were plenty of giggling girls who were photographing the penis who would be disappointed when they saw the decimation. And sure, I was inflicting my anti-penis sculpture values on the rest of the campus. But it was so worth it. So I ran away like a little child until I rounded the corner.

So, I implore you: accept the sufferings of the Lord most humbly. Perhaps he will give you a pain, or keep you up all night unable to sleep, or let everybody be wholly indifferent to you so that your vanity has no fields to sow itself in! Or best yet, maybe he'll inflict you with the misuse of His Name, and the Blessed Name of His Son all day! And this world doesn't even compare. As wonderful as it was to slam into the snow penis, that strikes me as utterly boring compared to the wonders of Heaven.

Blessed be God.
Blessed be His Holy Name.
Blessed be Jesus Christ, True God and True Man.
Blessed be the Name of Jesus. Blessed be His Most Sacred Heart.
Blessed be His Most Precious Blood.
Blessed be Jesus in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar.
Blessed be the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete. Blessed be the Great Mother of God, Mary Most Holy.
Blessed be her Holy and Immaculate Conception.
Blessed be her Glorious Assumption.
Blessed be the Name of Mary, Virgin and Mother.
Blessed be Saint Joseph, her most Chaste Spouse.
Blessed be God in His Angels and in His Saints.