Allocate Your Profanities... Please!

So I'm in the laundry room, throwing my clothes into the dryer, and as I vacate the washing machine another member of the Most Honorable All-Male Emmet Horan Hall is tossing his clothes into the washer. He finishes throwing them in, and realizes he forgot his detergent. But this wasn't an passive forgetting... no. His response to this event was "holy fuck!".

And it occurred to me that, 1) not only is it a problem that college students are SO PROFANE, but 2) they don't bother to think of what they are actually saying. Something like forgetting your detergent deserves a "darn!" or possibly even "shit!", if your having a particularly bad day. But at the point when "holy fuck!" becomes your expletive for forgetting your detergent, what are you going to use for anything else? Nothing holds any meaning any more. You've reached the top with forgetting your detergent! If your leg gets run over by a car, your verbal reaction can be no more emphatic than forgetfulness. If you hammer your thumb into the wall, you got nothing. There is a 104 step stairwell to my dorm here at Eau Claire; you fall down that and, if you can still speak, you got nothing. See the problem?

College students just don't think about what they are saying any more. Requesting God to damn something is a grave act that, well, really isn't our job, right or option. Why can't girls say "I don't intend to be mean/rude/obnoxious" instead of "I don't intend to be a bitch"? It's even more descriptive! You can't carry a conversation with most, even the most gentile of girls without them using God's name in vain. Nothing is ever difficult or confusing any more: it's fucked up.

My roommate is from China, and he tells me that Chinese has far more expletives than English. Perhaps that is our problem: there simply aren't enough words to go around? No! There are plenty of words to go around. I know them because a) I learned them in school and b) I think! The epidemic of poor choice of words infects all words. Look at the word 'decent'. Most people truncate the second syllable these days, saying simply "dec" to describe something which is adequate, sufficient or mediocre, acceptable, unexceptional, or, if words with 3 or more syllables scare you, fair or good.

Please, allocate your profanities properly! I don't care if you say, as drummer Phil Hay did, "I might use words that you guys aren't used to", but at least he did so intelligently!